.Be Still.

and know that I am God..

Well first...since the last time I blogged I got a job at Bob Evans as a server.. Chris one of my managers told me that I could keep my piercing in as long as it was a clear one, and when I showed up yesterday, Mary says no.. I was really sad, but oh well, may it was just like an "I did it" kind of thing.. So woohoo! At one time, I had my monroe pierced.. Yesterday I got my hair cut, shorter...I think I love it, but I'm not sure yet.. We'll see what happens.. Ok, now, back to business...

Lately, I have been spending a lot of time with my cousin, Nicole, who is also my best friend.. We were driving, and talking about my dad.. My dad has gone through a lot in the last few months, I guess really it's been the last few years, but in April it climaxed.. Nicole was asking me how he deals with it today, and what other people think, and how that effects him.. After I responded, I was shocked by what I said.. "It isn't a big deal, it doesn't even phase him".. And it not's a bad thing, but by anyone's standards this situation would be a big deal, it is a big deal.. Of all the things I got from my dad, why couldn't I have received that trait?

You see, I've never seen my dad mad, ever! He just doesn't get angry, he has this amazing capacity to understand that in life things are going to happen that you don't want to happen, people are going to hurt you, and things are not always going to be as great as you want them to be.. But so much more than that he can just let things go, without a second thought, he just does. I don't know how many of you watch LOST, but you all should because it's amazing.. In one episode Jack, who is a doctor and kind of the leader on the island, is talking about his first surgery.. He thought that he was going to lose the girl, and he was scared, but instead of shutting it out he let the fear rush through him.. But only for five seconds, he would only allow the pain and the torture to last for five seconds.. So he counted to five, and then he pulled himself together, and the girl lived.. My dad does that in every situation I have ever seen.. He allows it to hurt, or confuse, or anger, or whatever the emotion may be, for only five seconds.. Then it's over, then he knows what he needs to do, and he just does it.. If you asked him about what has been going on, his only response would be that things are great and that life is great.. And if you asked him about the specific situation, he would be perplexed as to why you would think that it is a big deal.. Because it is his past, it doesn't even phase him anymore..

I, on the other hand, think things to death.. I want to let them go, but I just don't.. I think about them and run different scenarios through my head.. But in the end all my alternative scenarios don't really matter, because it's the past.. There is nothing that I can do to change it.. But I can embrace it, and say that those are the things that made me and shaped me.. That I should not hurt over them anymore because that is not what God intends for me.. How much more could I do for God's kingdom, if I were to stop living in my past.. If I let it all go, if I gave it over to Him, and I said today I want you to use me in a mighty way.. And tomorrow, and the next day..

I hope that I can learn to let go of my past, to leave it where it is.. That I would wake up every morning and say, God just have your way in me, I will follow, and I won't let anything hold me back..

Sorry, it was so long!.. It makes up for all the time I missed :)