.cleaning up.

Rocky, which is my extremely obnoxious, yet cute dog, gave me a sort of lesson last night if you will.. I got Rocky from a friend, and I knew my Dad would not want to keep a dog, so I had to play my cards right.. I do not encourage this kind of behavior.. So I told my Dad that we were going to "babysit" the dog for a friend, and about two weeks rolled around when my Dad said, "When is this dog going back?" Well I had this great big sob story about how he didn't have a home to go back to and blah blah blah.. Long story short I win, we have a dog.. Sometimes I regret it, haha.. Anyways point being, even though he was my dog, he now spends 24-hours a day with my father, and the only time he even looks at me is if I have food in my hands.. He is HUGE! Last night he sat outside my room for a half an hour and whined and scratched at the door because he wanted in.. So, I thought that I would be a nice pet owner and let him in, play with him, have good times, da da da da da.. So, in order for Rocky to come into my room I have to pick nearly everything up off the floor, make sure all my shoes are put away, not have any cords readily available for chewing, make sure my garbage is against my desk so he can not knock it over, and close my closet door so he does not get my clothes.. As you can see, this is quite an ordeal.. So I'm like this is great, he's cute, he actually doesn't hate me.. After ten minutes of being in my room I am in a very similar situation, he is laying at the door whining and scratching, but this time he is on the outside looking in.. Lord, could the dog just make up his mind? So my thought process is, because I am a cruel person, it took me the same amount of time to get everything ready so that you could come in as it did for you to decide you wanted out, YOU ARE STAYING IN.. So I got up and let him out.. It made me think of all the times I have asked a friend for something, or God for something.. How many times was I so intent that I get that one thing, that those people made accommodations and sacrifices so that I could get exactly what I thought I wanted.. Then when the time came I decided it was no longer as sweet as I imagined it was, and I want out.. How much time and effort, how much preparation is just wasted.. I would like to apologize to those who went out of their way to do something nice for me that I completely brushed off..

.leading.

...A leader can not lead, if he does not know where he is going...

.ready-set-go.

Ok, so I have a very long passage, which I am very sorry about.. I know it is irrelevant after like three lines or something.. But it's important that the entire passage is read or else it wouldn't have made much sense.. Anyways, so very long passage, very quick thought..

"You know very well, Jan, that what's hot one year may be cold the next," Roald said. "We've enjoyed five enlightening years. But enlightenment doesn't pay the mortgage. And the last time I checked, your mortgage was rather significant."
"I'm aware of the costs, my friend. Perhaps you forget that this story was bought with blood. With blood and five years in a prison that might leave you dead within a week. You may say what you like, but be careful how you say it!" Heat washed over his collar. Easy, Jan. You have no right to be so defensive.
Roald became very still. "I stand corrected. But you also should remember that this world's filled with people who don't share your sentiments toward God. People who committed the very atrocities you've written about. And don't forget, it was I who made this book possible in the first place. I'm not your enemy here. In fact, I've bent over backward to help you succeed. It was I who convinced you to publish your book in the United States. It was I who first persuaded the publisher to put some marketing muscle behind the book. It was even I who brought Karen on board."
"Yes indeed, you did. But it wasn't just you, Roald. It was the book. It was the priest's blood. It was my torture. It was God, and you should never forget that!"
"Of course it was God. But you can't just throw your own responsibility on God. We each play our part."
"Yes, and my part was to rot for five years in a prison, begging God to forgive me for beating a priest. What was your part?"
"I don't hear any complaints about the house. Or the car, or the rest of it, for that matter. You seem pretty comfortable now, Jan, and for that you may thank me and Karen."
"And I'd give it up in a word if it mocked the lives that purchased it."

Would you?

I may have this completely wrong.. But I do not think it is bad for us to have things, I do not think it is wrong for us to enjoy our things.. I do not think God wants us to be constantly moving to find out what He wants for us.. I think sometimes the place where we are supposed to make an impact is exactly where we are.. But when we worship our things.. When we are content and are not READY to move, or WILLING to move is when the problem occurs.. Do we know that Jesus paid the price for everything that we own.. Would we give it up in a second if He called us to? Would you go around the world if you had to, are your bags packed?

.love them like JESUS.

Well.. today was the big day! On September 4, 2007, I started my first day as a senior at Bedford High School.. I'm having some mixed emotions about it.. We have started a lot of new things this year, which is ok because change is good.. I was really looking forward to just finally being done and being able to move on to college, but now as that is approaching I find that I'm a little sad to leave behind the things that I know.. I know that this year is going to fly by and that I need to make the most of it..
More importantly I need to decide how I am going to spend my senior year and what kind of example I will set to those around me.. I was reading a blog the other day about missionaries and why they choose the fields they do and how some don't feel they are needed here.. I understand their perspective.. There is a church on every corner, mostly everyone in America has heard of Jesus in some form or another and most believe that they are followers of Him.. However, a point was brought up that they should be left to fend for themselves, which I do not understand..
You see, everybody is looking for something.. And no one can be completely filled unless they have accepted Christ, but most do not know that, and most do not want that to be the answer to their problem.. No one wants to have something or someone bigger to answer to, it makes their problems real, it makes the consequences for their actions much more serious than anything that could happen here on Earth..
You see at one time I was just like them, I needed God but I didn't know it.. And even when I did know it, I fought it for much longer than I care to admit.. But if you could see inside the lives of these students, co-workers, friends and family members, you would see the hurt.. You would see the pain that is so real to them that it makes them sick to their stomachs, it takes their breath away, it causes their addictions, and before they realize it they are in much deeper than they started..
It is very hard to get out of that place, and no one can do it alone.. They all need Jesus, but if they cannot see Jesus in us because we have turned our backs to them.. They will never make it out.. You see no one comes to Jesus just because they wake up in the morning and want to try something new because the old way just doesn't cut it.. Something brings them to that point, they are broken, and they remember that you and I stretched out a hand.. They know that there was one place that they could go that would take them in and love them like Jesus..
So instead of saying that there is no excuse, they should all be believers, they have had every opportunity in the world to do so.. Maybe we need to quit criticizing and start evangelizing.. Stop judging and start accepting..
Maybe if we all sat down and remembered when we were exactly where they are.. We wouldn't be so quick to turn our backs, but much quicker to hold them and accept them right where they are at..

They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view.. They're looking to you.. He cares for them just as He cares for you

.the bar.

Well, I suppose that todays blog is more of a personal one than anything else.. Something I feel like if I make public I can maybe overcome.. This is not intended to encourage, discourage, uplift, or anything else.. It's mostly just to be heard or read I guess since we are on the internet.. Something happened the other night that really made me realize who I am, what I want, and what I will never go back to.. We, because we all do it, set a bar for our lives.. We have decided what is good enough and what is not.. We know what we need, what we wish we had, and what we will not tolerate.. I know what I want, I know what I'm looking for, and I know what I am not willing to subject myself to.. Yet no matter how many times I assure myself of these things I can always make exceptions.. I always find myself saying, "Well, I know that's not something I agree with, but it's ok because..." But it's never ok.. It's never ok for me to say I know that this is what I want, but I'll change it because I want this to be able to fit into that category.. What if for once I set the bar and I left it exactly where I put it.. Not only if I left it there but I always expected better than it.. What if I said I'm not willing to take anything less than that, and nothing can change that.. How many more steps further would I get? As opposed to my five steps forwards and ten steps back.. I think starting right now I know where I want my bar to be, and I'm going to leave it there, no matter what..